Archive for the ‘Pain Penetrates My Core’ Category



My Dear Readers,

It’s been 1 year since I started my blog.

I would like to take this opportunity to Thank All the Wonderful Authors, Writers, and Bloggers that I have connected with within our community. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think of everyone.

You Have All Touched My Life.

I have not posted nor been active in our community lately, and I would like to share why.

After having my lumbar spine fused with plates and screws in 2003. I was left with Intractable Lumbar Pain.

I have had an implanted pain pump for the last 10 years. My now 2nd pump battery was due to shut off at the end of January 2014.

Our medical insurance changed leaving me to pay out an outrageous deductible before any payment for medical services would be payed out at 80%.

As a result my pump shut off and I was placed on pain pills. There is a Significant difference having medication delivered directly into my spine to manage my pain and a pill.

This has left me depressed, in pain, and my quality of life has taken a downward spiral.

In January of this year I had a chest x-ray as part of pre-operative orders.

(this was before finding out the insurance coverage deductible)

I have Ground Glass Nodules, and a few masses throughout my lung fields.

I’m in the process of seeing a Pulmonologist.

I’m still left in the same position of not being able to have a lung biopsy due to the F$%*ing insurance.

I went from living for me a somewhat active life, to being completely sedentary,

Frustrated, and depressed.

Please know I miss reading and commenting on All Your Works of Art.

With Much Love to All My Friends,


A Shattered Heart

A Shattered Heart

My Heart Aches With Every Beat,

As The Blood Pumped Throughout My Body Hurts.

The Pain Penetrates Me To My Inner Core.

The Tears I Shed Of A Shattered Heart.

I Keep Thinking This Can’t Be True,

I Thought it Was Understood,

That We Shared Everything As One

How Wrong I Was.

As This Broken Heart Continues To Bleed,

I Can Feel The Overwhelming Emotion

Slipping Into The Depths Of The Abyss.

My Gut Told Me So

I Knew In My Heart It To Be True

And Choose Not To Ask,

For Fear Of Accusation.

I Can’t Control The Bleeding

It’s To Deep

Only Time Will Heal

This Shattered Heart